(170) Familiar Faces...

Last night was my first night back to MEND since Lauren was born. And it was so good to be back. I have been having lots of conflicting emotions since her birth and many of them stem from what happened exactly a year before. With no one to really talk to, I have had to keep alot of stuff inside.

Here are just a few things I have been dealing with:
-- inadequacy
-- regret
-- anger
-- frustration
-- guilt
-- shame

Last night, for the first time in a year, I got validation for a decision that was made. This decision, over the course of the year, has left me feeling like a horrible person; like I am being judged by other baby loss mommas. Much of this is self-imposed guilt, I know. I am so thankful that I was asked the right question so I could answer freely and get it off my chest. No, I didn't get it all out. But I was able to break through the surface.

I am so blessed to be in this circle of friends. Out of horrific tragedy has come bountiful joy.