(160) I Wish...

I wish I wasn't part of this secret club. I wish I didn't know the pain of losing a child I never even got to meet. I wish I was still naive to the mere potential of death in creating life. I wish God would give me answers as to why He chose me. I wish God would give me answers as to why He chose my friends. I wish my husband didn't have to lose a daughter. I wish my parents didn't have to lose their first grandchild. I wish that I had had more time... to let it all soak in, to grieve with my husband at that very moment, to make those hard decisions. I wish I had been stronger. I wish I had held her. I wish I didn't have to know how tiny her feet were at the moment. I wish I didn't have feel like hiding. I wish I could be strong enough to tell people she was my first.

I wish...

I wish...

I wouldn't wish this on anyone.