(109) 30 weeks...

Well we hit 30 weeks on Friday. 10 more weeks to go. Or if you want to be technical, it's somewhere around 9 weeks and 5 days. Oh boy.

It's a little surreal to be in the 30 week portion of my pregnancy. It doesn't feel real. I mean, it does. To an extent. Buglet is a mover, especially at night. She just loves to keep me up and we have noticed that she DOES NOT like anyone touching her. My belly is getting bigger, which also means that I am putting on weight too (yes I know I have to put on weight... it's the comments from other people about how big I will be at full term, that I am starting to waddle, or that I have grown in just 3 days that REALLY upsets me... to the point of an emotional breakdown). We are in the process of getting the nursery done... crib is up and the glider/ottoman should be delivered soon. We still have to put up the changing table and buy a dresser but we aren't too concerned right now. We have diapers and other toiletries for her. Guess I should probably buy the car seat soon too.

What doesn't feel real is the being able to bring her home. Sometimes it feels like I am doing this for someone else and she isn't truly mine. It's not that I haven't bonded with her. I have. I have been bonded with her since the day we found out I was pregnant. It's just the fear of her being taken away like her sister was that gets to me. I am afraid to pull any of her baby shower gifts out of their bags, or wash some of her clothes and blankets, or even pack our hospital bags. And it's not that I am being a pessimist. I am not thinking negatively. I am just AFRAID.

So the above in italics is what I had originally written. Then it dawned on me that it seems like every time I hit a milestone week I write something depressing. I think more than anything this blog is a place for me to get it out so I just let everything that is internal flow out through my fingers. I am fairly certain those around me are tired of hearing me complain that I am having trouble sleeping, that I am getting huge and I feel "like an orca", and blah blah blah. Maybe I am just being a baby about it.

Here's what I should say on this post: we have hit 30 weeks and I am REALLY and TRULY excited. Six more weeks to go before I would comfortably welcome her into this world, as far as her survival and all that jazz. So far, I haven't had any abnormal symptoms to indicate any pre-term stuff and she is very active. She is head down now and at last weeks appointment she was facing foward, which would explain why I was feeling feet AND knees. I am procrastinating on getting the travel system, though I know I need to get the car seat and practice. I probably, maybe should pack some sort of hospital bag... just in case. Maybe organizing all her baby shower gifts would be a good idea, so I wouldn't have to scrounge for wipes after she is here. Some days I feel bigger than others. At last week's appointment, I was measuring 33 weeks (I was only 29w5d). Um, not sure what that was about. My doctor says it is probably because Buglet was stretched out (indicated on the ultrasound). And my best friend said it is completely normal. So while it does freak me out about getting too big, I am trying to just embrace it. Buglet is healthy and growing well and that is what matters. It doesn't matter how she arrives... it's that she does.

So all in all, I am ecstatic to be at this point. Ten weeks to go. She has already turned my life upside down. I can't even imagine what it will be like when I can hold her in my arms and hear her cry.

Should I mention that I am now getting a little freaked out about labor?