(104) Going For A Walk to Remember...

I cannot even find the right words to describe what we experienced today.

First off, for those of you who don't know, MEND stands for Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death. It is a support group/support family for those of us who have suffered a (or multiple) miscarriage, stillbirth, and/or early child loss. It's not just for mommies. It is for daddies too.

Today was the MEND Walk to Remember. It was an afternoon where we all came together to honor our babies. I had been told that it was going to be a beautiful event. But nothing really prepared me for what we actual experienced. There were so many families there. Over 450 people. There were couples, like me and Brendon, and there were large families, with 10+ members. Some had shirts made with tributes, others wore the same color shirts. Some had older children, some had babies, and some were expecting. Some had experienced losses a decade ago, others were as fresh as 2 months ago.

We didn't walk very far. It started in the atrium of a church and wound it's way through the outside buildings until we came to a setup of chairs. On each chair, there were little bundles of kleenex tied in purple ribbon.

There was no assigned seating, just sit where you wanted. There was an introduction from the organizer, then a prayer, and a song. Then each baby's name was called. It didn't matter what kind of loss it was... each baby was recognized. At check-in, we were given a a beautiful ornament with the MEND angel on it and our babies name and birth date. We hung these ornaments on a tree when our baby's name was called. To see all the ornaments was beautiful and heart-wrenching. It is difficult to fathom that so many families have been touched by loss, but it is also beautiful to see the tributes to these precious babies. After the baby's roll call, everyone received a ballon for the ballon release... pink for girl, blue for boy, or white for miscarriage. It was absolutely amazing to watch all the balloons being released at one time. I will always remember the balloons floating off into the distance.










I can honestly say that I am nowhere near being fully healed from our loss. She is so much a part of me... and she always will be.

On a side note, yesterday was her 9 month anniversary. I cannot believe that it has been 9 months. Where has the time gone?? It truly does seem like yesterday that we learned she had gone to be with the Lord. I miss her more with every passing day. But to be able to honor her in this way on this anniversary will always be special.

Today was her day. We didn't have a memorial for her... everything happened so fast. I regret it. I am saddened by it. But I didn't know then what I know now. This could explain why my grief feels new still. So today was, in a sense, a little memorial for her. It was all about her.

We miss you, Baby Girl! You are in our hearts forever and we will always, always love you.