(108) Today Is...

**NOTE: I meant to finish and post this yesterday but it was such a busy and tiring day that my brain just failed me. So here it is..

"October is an Awareness Month for a lot of things, breast cancer, domestic violence, down syndrome, infertility, and SIDS. It is also National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Each year, approximately a million pregnancies in the US end in miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of the newborn child. Please help me speak out for those who can't, or are afraid to, and remember all babies lost this month".

Today is October 15th. It's a Friday. Today is the beginning of my 30th week of pregnancy.

Today is also National Pregnancy/Infant Loss Awareness Day.

I never knew such a day existed. I knew miscarriages happened. But the realm of late term loss and infant loss never crossed my mind. It was one of those things that I truly believed would never happen to me... to us. It happens to everyone else or you see it in movies. Pregnancy is portrayed as nothing but happy times... bringing a child into this world is easy. And if it does happen, then the mother and father are being punished for past deeds.

Boy was I W-R-O-N-G.

For the rest of our lives, we get to celebrate this day. It is bittersweet... happy and sad. These mixed emotions can be very difficult. I am SAD because I have met more women than I want to know that are in the same boat, but I am SO VERY HAPPY that I have become friends with these women and that we have such a strong bond. The Lord has truly blessed me with such beautiful, strong, and inspiring women who know just what to say and know exactly what I am saying. I am SAD (this word is not the right one for the situation... it goes much deeper) because we lost our first daughter at 19 weeks, but I am SO VERY HAPPY (again, this emotion goes much deeper) that I was able to carry her for that time and that we were chosen to be her parents. Our baby girl was, is, and will always be a blessing to us. She will always be my first... she made me a mom. I thank God everyday for that. I am SAD that as a couple we had to endure the pain of losing a child, that I felt like I couldn't support Brendon the way he supported me, that he had to watch the pain and fear in my eyes while I delivered our daughter, but I am SO VERY HAPPY that the Lord chose us to endure this pain together. I cannot imagine going through this with anyone else and I am truly blessed that through all the pain, tears, and emptiness, the Lord brought us closer together and made our marriage stronger.

Today is not just another day for me. It is not just another day for millions of women. It is a day when we can bolding proclaim that we are survivors of pregnancy and infant loss. Yes I said survivors. No, we weren't faced with a life-threatening illness or a life-threatening situation. But we have faced not knowing whether we could even open our eyes to another day, brush our teeth, take a shower, get back to "normal". To just do those, IS surviving.

And it is a day that we proudly, PROUDLY honor our babies who dwell in Heaven.

So if you ever meet a woman who has suffered a miscarriage (or miscarriages), late term loss, or infant loss, please do not shrug them off or try to compare yourselves to them. It is a pain that is unimaginable. Let them know that, while you can't even imagine their pain, you love them. Love them up close or love them from afar. And please remember their babies (no matter how early the loss) because sometimes (only when they are ready) all they want to do is talk... talk about their child in Heaven as you would talk about your child here on Earth.



We love you, Baby Girl. Gosh how we love you. And miss you? There are no words. I would like to think you know that. Maybe God shows you our hearts to know that there is a hole that will NEVER be filled. I know you are just as excited about the arrival of your sister as we are. And you better believe that she will know about you. What a blessing to our lives you have been!!