(99) Being Thankful, Or Maybe Not So Much...

Before I delve into my next topic, let me say this:

I AM VERY THANKFUL FOR BEING ABLE TO CONTINUE ON WITH A HEALTHY PREGNANCY. I AM THANKFUL FOR THE LITTLE GIRL GROWING INSIDE ME. I AM THANKFUL FOR THE GIFT OF A BODY THAT CAN GROW ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.

Got it? No question about that, right? If you do have any questions, please keep them to yourselves because I wouldn't trade this pregnancy for anything. Also, if you have issues with me complaining about my pregnancy, get over yourself. I have been to hell and back giving birth to a dead daughter so I have some right to complain about it.

So then... here I go.

I am NOT thankful, grateful, appreciative, happy, or otherwise enamoured with pregnancy itself. I am apparently one of those that does not "do" pregnancy very well. At least in my mind. (It's probably because of my anxiety, depression, and the list of body-image issues I have developed over the last 32 years.) I think pregnancy on other women is ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL. It's as if they have taken to it like a fish in water. I secretly wish to be like them. But...

And while I do appreciate comments like "gaining weight is good", "it's for the baby", "you don't look like a whale", it is still very hard to put it all in perspective.

Gripe 1... Constipation
Nothing says pregnancy like not being able to poop for days on end. I can drink ALL the water I want, eat as much leafy greens and fiberous veggies as I like, exercise to my heart's content. It's still not gonna make my bowels want to do anything but sit there at a red light... when obviously they have had a green light for days now. Apparently this red light comes from the extra iron in the prenatal vitamins and the hormones that slooooooowwwww your digestion down so the bun in the oven gets her/his nutrients. Solution: either get a script for prenatals with a stool softener, take a stool softener along with your original prenatals, try the assortment of available fiber powder products, invest in fiber cereal and bars, drink a concoction of "safe" laxative powder, or all of the above... to get things "moving in the right direction".

Gripe 2... Bloating and Gas (otherwise known as FLATULANCE)
Because we need something else to inhabit our ever-growing belly. There is only so much space in there for Buglet. I don't like it when she gets crowded... and I am sure she doesn't either. I didn't like getting bloated pre-pregnancy, so why would this be any more enjoyable. I know of certain things that cause it (dairy, brocolli, cokes, potatoes, pasta) and then there are times when it just happens and there is no explanation. And with bloat comes the gas. I used to be embarrassed from the expulsion of body odors from the hinder regions. Ummm, not so much anymore. I do pity whomever is standing within 100 feet of me, though. My gaseous episodes can get pretty rank. BUT I HAVE TO LET IT OUT. It is very uncomfortable to keep it in for the sake of others. I am sorry. But when it comes to either me and my daughter's comfort or your olfactory receptors, your receptors will lose. EVERY. TIME. Solution: walking or laying down if you sit all day, stay away from foods you know cause distress, take a "before meal" anti-gas pill (though I am not sure if they are on my list as "approved"), or pop a few Gas-X tablets (I like the peppermint) and wait for the evacuation of the building.

Gripe 3... Hemorrhoids
This one deserves a drum roll. They should have their own parade, welcome wagon if you will, when they make their debut. Hemorrhoids are things that you aren't supposed to get until you start seeing a geriatric doctor. (By the way, the "old" generation called them piles. Lovely, huh?) The commercials make us laugh because it is sort of tabbo to talk about something so personal and in that "area". Well, they did make me laugh for that reason. Now I laugh at them because I can relate to the woman sitting on a bicycle seat wrapped in barbed wire. I have become that person. Her. The lady who smiles while the box of Prep H is flashed on the screen. Hemorrhoids are part of the list of "unmentionables" in pregnancy. You won't hear your girlfriends talk about them. Your doctor won't say anything... he/she just asks if you have had any problems or issues. Not even your mother will pull you aside to warn you of these "butt trolls". I had to ask mine. But when you do mention them, there is always one word that is in the same sentence. CONSTIPATION. Yep, back to Gripe 1. (Every "symptom" is somehow intertwined like a bowl of noodles) I am not saying that if you are constipated that you will get the dreaded butt trolls. I am just saying that constipation can lead to them. That and also the weight of the growing baby in the uterus pushing down on the hinder regions. FROM THE INSIDE. Solution: more water, fiber, and exercise to help your constipation issue, laying down to relief the pressure of gravity from slowly sucking your baby out from between your legs, stop practicing your labor and delivery techniques in the restroom (i.e. no forceful evacuation), and/or a LIFETIME supply of Prep-H cream, gel, and moist wipes (you will thank me later... trust me).

Gripe 4... The expansion of the lower half of my body plus some
Ok, so I understand that I must gain weight during pregnancy. The baby is growing along with her temporary home. I get it. But why does that growth have to ease it's way to my butt, thighs, and for some odd reason my sides and back. I THOROUGHLY enjoy my expanding belly. Don't get me wrong. I love to look at it in the mirror and rub lotion on it and just caress the belly. It is my way of bonding with Buglet. But the last time I checked women didn't grow other beings in each cheek of their butts, nor their twins in their thighs. Yes I know that I haven't worked out as much I had in the past and I might not eat the ultimate in health food diets. But still. That shouldn't mean my butt and legs expand to take over the continental United States. Or maybe it should. Maybe this is the universe's way of saying "Screw you and your self-image problem. I am going to teach you to get over it REAL fast... like a two-by-four upside your head." And then there is the whole matter of the "back fat" and what appears to be love handles. I would like to think that the muscles on my sides are expanding to help keep the baby in, so it's not so much fatty tissue developing there. But who am I kidding. By the time it is all done, my sides, back, and butt could all morph into one giant object with my belly. Solution: work out more, eat healthier (i.e. be a rabbit for 9 months), and/or come to terms that this is what happens in pregnancy and it can be "reversed"... 9 months on, 9 months off.

Gripe 5... Sleeping on the left side and other strange night-time requests
This has got to be a conspiracy in the medical community. In every book you pick up and on every website about pregnancy, they tell you 3 things: 1) don't lay on your back; 2) don't lay on your right side; and 3) don't lay on your stomach. So where does that leave you? On your left side. Apparently, if you lay on your back or on your right side too long, a main artery gets pinched and can cause breathing problems and poor circulation to you and the baby. Oh yeah. And it helps relieve the pressure of the baby on your hinder regions, which means those dreaded butt trolls might not make an appearance. I, personally, don't do the left side. I am right-handed. I prefer the right side. It is my default side. I have had to really try to get introduced to my left side. And my poor husband has been so accommodating. Bless his heart. Someone should really write a book about what husbands have to sacrfice during pregnancy. But I digress. And what is with waking up every 2 hours to pee? Seriously. If I am in the horizontal position, why would there be any pressure on my bladder? I do try to limit the amount of fluid that goes in at night, but somehow it multiplies. Not just doubling or tripling. I mean it multiplies a thousand times over. I can take a few sips from my water bottle and 2 hours later it has become 16 ounces. Who knew? My body is a machine. Solution: wedge more pillows under my back, under my belly, and between my legs, somehow manuever myself so I am leaning against my husband (until he gets kicked by Buglet), insert a cathater and/or cut a whole in the mattress.

And if you enjoyed those 5 gripes, here are just a few more:
-- having to contort my lower half in such a fashion that I can THOROUGHLY empty out my bladder (merely sitting on the pot still leaves you with a quarter of a tank).
-- being a magnet for stupid comments and questions (once you become pregnant, it apparently gives everyone a free pass to forget that YOU are still a human being with feelings... you just happen to be gestating).
-- being a magnet for people to touch your "cute belly" (um, excuse, this "cute belly" is still attached to this whale body... you can touch Buglet after she claws her way out of me).
-- suddenly having to find new ways to get out of a chair, roll out of bed, and shave my legs (what you see in the movies is in fact correct... a crane is needed for lift).
-- food rules, i.e. no caffeine, no cold lunch meat, no queso, no this, no that, no blah, blah, blah (while some of them are legit, I am fairly certain that my mother didn't have ANY rules and I turned out fine... of course, I won't mention that she had gut-wrenching morning sickness so food wasn't an option).
-- I won't go into detail, but somewhere between the positive pregnancy test and telling your husband the good news, your nose starts to run in TWO places.

Had enough of my complaining, yet?

Hopefully someone out there can relate to at least one of these. I can't be the only pregnant woman on earth to suffer these. But if I am then I need to turn myself into the medical community so they can write about me in a medical journal.

Of course, with all the gripes, there is one thing that makes it ALL worth it. And I mean, EVERYTHING goes out the window...

Being able to feel Buglet kick. I love feeling her move. It is the most reassuring feeling. To know that she is getting stronger every day makes me smile. My heart overflows with love for this little girl. I cannot even begin to tell you how it makes my soul move. She can kick just once and it makes my bad day go away. I laugh so deeply when she rolls. Especially when her daddy can watch and feel her. It is the most magnificent thing to watch.

I CANNOT WAIT TO MEET HER.

Then after that, I might be willing to take back all these gripes. Unless it is the constipation/ butt troll part. I am keeping that one.